Seveneth Wheel in a Six Wheel Ride

I've been in a wheelchair for almost twenty years.  In 1993, my family and I were in a head-on collision.  Thanks be to God, no one was killed and I was the only one left with a permanent disability, quadriplegia. (My motorized chair has two large wheels and four small ones and goes fast!). Can I just say that my fellowship with God would NEVER have been what it is today had I not experienced being in a wheelchair?  Personal adversity can propel us into finding comfort in the only One Who can provide lasting peace or it can lead to us running away thinking the adversity is not fair!  Even with me experiencing His perfect peace through the years, small things can still draw my eyes away from the One provider of true peace.

I recently went to a college football game with six others. There were over 30,000 people at this game...so there were people EVERYWHERE. In fact, the seven of us had a hard time keeping up with each other and wound up getting separated. When all was said and done, the rest of my group ended up   sitting together elsewhere in the stadium. After the first quarter, pity had settled in pretty good leaving me wanting to leave. The problem with me leaving is that we parked nearly a half mile down the road from the stadium and my battery was running low. I was forced to stay..."by myself".

It was during the third quarter that I realized the last time I was seated in this same spot at a football game many years ago. I remember sharing with my pastor all those years ago that it doesn't matter where I am; I can talk with Him. My perspective began to change. I turned my eyes from thinking about how my wheelchair was separating me from my group and realized it was providing me a new opportunity. God had placed an entirely different group around me that were in similar circumstances.

As a single person, I think we can get our eyes on the wrong thing, especially if we are with a group of couples.  It is not always the fact that we don't have a "mate" to go places with, but that we do not have anyone to go places with us.

Watching the game from my wheelchair, I began to talk to those God had placed in my "path". Many of those sitting there were in the same situation as I. Some of the them had companions, but regardless, we were a "group" of people sitting together!  I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the game with my new "company".  During the first half, I watched the game with my eyes on myself. The second half of the game I enjoyed cheering my team and discussing different plays and just being myself. It was a chance to share Christ with would-be strangers by the way I handled myself.  Isn't that what we are called to do?  Be relational?  Be real?

No, I did not share the ABC's of salvation with anyone sitting nearby but I did experience His peace when I took my eyes off the "seventh wheel" syndrome.  Single people out number married people, so whether  you are "Living La Vida Single" at an event or the third, fifth or seventh...wheel ANYWHERE, just remember this:

19 "Therefore when you go, you must now make disciples of all the heathens, 20 teaching them to keep all the things that I have been commanding you: and behold I AM with you all the days until the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20 (The One New Man Bible translation).

Our highest calling is "when we go" to love our neighbors as ourselves, thereby loving Him.  Singleness provides us with opportunities that couples do not have and we should be about "redeeming the time".  Colossians 4:4-6 tells us to always be ready to share the mystery of the gospel, to walk in wisdom and for our message to always be in grace, seasoned with salt that we will know how to give an answer.  I almost missed an opportunity to live out these words just because of my focus was on me and not others. So, I'm thankful for my six wheels, being placed in situations where I'm alone, and for all four quarters in a football game!

           

I've always liked this song but during that football game, God did something inside that brought the words to an even deeper meaning. Listen to this classic hymn and see if it doesn't move you as well:

Birds of a Feather...

17 As iron sharpens iron,

   so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

I love getting up early to watch the sunrise.  It has to be the most miraculous part of my day.  I especially like to see the sun come up when there are sporadic clouds on the horizon, because the sun plays against the clouds and creates colors that only God can create.  Sometimes the reflections are like silver linings and others are deep purple's.  I often say to myself that there is not an artist in the world that can re-create that kind of beauty that transforms right before my eyes.

On this particular morning, it was rather cool out and is often the case; blackbirds appeared by the thousands. I have a pecan orchard and the birds were landing in the tops of the trees making quite a racket. Suddenly, birds by the thousands began moving in lines and swirls with the cadence of chirping that would make an orchestra conductor envious.  At that moment, I saw God.  No, not literally, but in his creation.  I also saw the equivalent of our human nature.

God created all things great and small.  He created the sunrise for me to enjoy and reflect on His Majesty.  God allowed me to witness the Symphony of black birds this morning to reflect on the natural behavior of something as small as a bird.  Since God created us in his image and creation is a reflection of His glory, I recognized that humans are not much different than the flock of black birds.

In Proverbs 27:17, Solomon tells us that iron sharpens iron.  We're told to not for sake the assembling of ourselves together. I think in Galatians 5 Paul explains how we are stronger together. In verse 7, he asked the people in Galatia "Who cut in on them?" He goes on to state that a little yeast leavens the  whole dough.  Theologically, the book of Galatians is jam-packed with information about the law and grace, but in these few verses Paul realized that someone was preaching a different gospel other than Jesus Christ and Him crucified, resurrected, and ascended.  If iron sharpens iron and it is our nature that "birds of a feather flock together", Christian singles that fellowship together are stronger together.

The Christmas season is here and it is a time of potential loneliness for single adults and especially for those whose children will be with the "other" parent or for those whose spouse has gone on to be with the Lord. Let's be extra sensitive during this season to realize that though it is the most joyous time of the year, there are those that will battle depression and loneliness. The enemy has come to steal our joy, kill our ministry, and destroy our witness...let's be warriors for each other (and to the least of these) and "flock" to their sides!

*Edited and tranferred 11-5-18

"Bear Necessity"

¹⁷ This I command you, that you love one another. John 15:17

I attended a national conference for singles at Ridgecrest, NC. We had an incredible time connecting with the Lord, His Word and other singles. There's just nothing like being in the Blue Ridge Mountains. When we arrived at the conference center, we were told to be wary of bears, especially at night. I, personally, had never encountered one, but someone from our group had a couple of years before. You can certainly rest assured that kept I started keeping one eye on the lookout for bears at all times.

The conference typically lasted from Friday evening until Monday morning; however, some of the attendees chose to leave on Sunday night after worship. I had never considered the implications of driving alone on long-distance trips because being disabled I never travel alone. But I was reminded on Sunday night of the conference of the hazards, especially for women, who travel alone.   
       

We were busy playing Minute To Win when the campus security guard came asking for the whereabouts of the conference coordinator. We could tell it was something serious so we called the coordinator. Someone had encountered a bear. No, not face-to-face. Yes, with her vehicle. No, not on campus. Yes, on the interstate. What?! On the interstate?! We were all shocked that a bear would be on the interstate.

Much to our surprise, she wasn't 10 minutes away, 20 minutes away, or even 30 minutes away. She was well over an hour away. Apparently, the vehicle in front of her hit the bear first. Then, she hit the bear. And then, the vehicle behind her hit the bear. No one was injured, saving the bear. There wasn't much left of him. When she called the conference center for help, we discovered that she was actually closer to family than to the conference center.

We aren't sure why she may have called the conference center rather than family, but the fact is; she did. How reassured she must've felt knowing there were a group of people willing to help her.

The point of this story is to indicate how much singles rely on other singles. In our Singles' ministry, we have a ministry called "Singles Helping Singles". It's a weekend that we take to serve each other. We are often busy about serving others, but rarely do we designate a time committed to serving our own. I am often encouraged by the tremendous turnout of our single men and women who give their time, money, and efforts.

I'd like to encourage you if you are single to find an active singles' ministry. If there is not one close to you, prayerfully consider starting one. The single population is now greater than the married population (51%). If our congregations reflect those statistics, can you imagine that many people coming together for the cause of Christ? All it takes is someone with a heart for singles and issues they face. That truly is the "bear necessity".

Commit?

25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
John 12:25 (ESV)

A few years ago, a friend stopped by for a few minutes. We were celebrating my mother’s 73rd birthday by eating one of her favorite foods…CRAWFISH! Oh yeah! And, they were some more good, yeah! Hot and spicy. The corn and potatoes had soaked up all those good seasonings. Whew! My mouth is watering, even now! My friend couldn’t stay long so we just continued eating and she grabbed a couple for herself. That’s just how we roll down in the deep-south. We are comfortable at our friends’ home and our friends’ friend’s homes, as well!

We attend the same church, but we never see each other there. We attend a church with three services and two worship centers and a kicking Singles’ ministry! She began questioning me about the Singles’ ministry at our church as she is single “again”. I told her about the many opportunities we offer to get connected and ministry opportunities where she could serve. It wasn’t a volley of conversation, but rather it was me bombarding her with information. And then it came…the statement that I could not keep from repeating over and over…she laughed at herself, but she HAD said it…”Well, I’m gonna commit to try to maybe come to Life Group soon.” Really? And she was SERIOUS! She was ready! Well, to try...maybe.

Sad thing is she said herself that she “knows” what she needs to do. Before I committed or COULD commit, I had to be brought to a place that I recognized my need for Him to be LORD of my life and not just my Savior. Oh, I trusted Him as my Savior, but when I realized that I was nothing without Him in my everyday “walk” of life is when my life really began! I was an energetic young mother, wife, and student with aspirations and dreams of medical school. I thought I was living! It was after I lost MY dreams and aspirations by praying for God to teach me how to love Him that I began to know what real life was about. When Jesus says to you to lay down your life that you might live, He means it! I never knew excitement, joy, peace, love…in the world. My old life dulls in comparison to the life I have now.

You know the Word is clear about being straddled across a fence. This was a great word picture to show us just how uncomfortable we can be when we don’t fully commit to Him. When part of your life is lived doing exactly as you want to live it and a small part is left to live for the Lord, you can experience the pain in the seat just as if there were a fence post riding there! So I would say to, you (my friend), hop off that fence and fully commit to the One that fully committed to you on the Cross.

So, are you committing to try to maybe make Him the most important part of your life? Maybe, if you stop trying and just realize YOU can’t, then you finally will!
*Transferred and edited

Bullies

1 Samuel 1:6 So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children.7 Year after year it was the same—Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Each time, Hannah would be reduced to tears and would not even eat.
1 Sam 1:6-7 (NLT)

When I was a young girl, I was not very "girlie". I prided myself in being as rough and tough as the boys in my class. In fact, I was rougher than most of them and the problem with that is that I knew I could outdo them. Power is a dangerous thing, even at the age of 8 or 9 years old. I recall one boy particularly smaller and weaker. As I think back on him now, I see a kind, sweet-spirited little boy who was taught to be polite and kind by his parents. When I was a child, I saw an easy target to unleash my wounded spirit.

Children, suffering from abuse by someone they are powerless to, will, in turn, spew venomous anger in the form of abuse on those weaker than themselves. This is a Polaroid snapshot of one facet of my life and a subject I am too well familiar. You've heard it said that kids can be cruel, well I was "that" cruel kid, that is until the subject of my wrath's Mother caught me.

My elementary school was in a VERY small community and had a Mom and Pop grocery store right next door to it. After school, all the children would ride the bus home, regardless of how far you lived from school! When there were after-school activities, we could walk across the dirt road to get a snack (if we had a note from our parents). I have such warm feelings when I think back to that little country store. The owners were a precious older couple and they knew who we were (and our parents and our parents' parents!). They had "tickets". It was a store credit for farmers, mostly, to buy fuel, lunch, etc. and the family could buy a few groceries. The Carroll's had the store back when I was in elementary school. They knew I was Clarence and Odies' granddaughter and so if I came in without money...I guess I felt like "somebody" when I said "put it on the ticket" and they didn't even have to ask my name! Those were the days.

One afternoon, several of us were hanging out in the front of the store waiting for everyone to finish up when I looked up and my "bullseye" is walking over from a house across the main road! There I was. I had just had myself puffed-up as someone privileged because I charged food to my parents' bill AND all my peers were there looking up to me. I began blocking his entrance to the store. There were enough kids between the two of us and the door that the owners couldn't see what I was doing, but his mother could! The thing is...I didn't know his mother could see what I was doing and I wasn't aware of her until she stood behind him. He was crying by the time his mom got to him, so the embarrassment for him was already huge. When his mom was finished with me, my face burned with embarrassment! She taught me a lesson that day, one that has stayed with me to this day.

I learned to respect my peers more. I empathized with this guy that day after his mother helped me see the error of my ways. That day shaped me to be an empathizer rather than an abuser. The school of thought that the abused become the abusers has some credibility, that is unless someone intervenes. I was fortunate that someone intervened very early in my life.

Our feelings of inferiority can be projected onto us by our peers. Just like Peninnah was a member of the "haves" and Hannah the "have-nots", we as singles can see ourselves like Hannah. Sometimes, we bring those feelings onto ourselves. We compare ourselves to the people around us that have fulfilling marriages. In the words of Paul Harvey "And now for the rest of the story", 1 Samuel 1:19 tells us that the Lord "remembered" Hannah. The Lord has not forgotten you either. If it is your heart's desire to have a fulfilling marriage, He will meet those needs for you. Stay strong in your faith and trust that God has your future firmly sealed.

Our God is just. He has a way of leveling the playing field for us, but it is in His time. Just as that mother came and answered the taunting I was dishing out, God will step into your circumstance and meet your deepest needs if you are asking in line with His will! The enemy of our souls will constantly try to bully you by reminding you of the things you do not have as a single person. Dear brothers and sisters, embrace your stage in life with the exuberance God deserves! Indulge yourselves in the presence of the Lord and you will find the peace that comes when God closes the mouth of your "bully"!

The Silence

One of the most uncomfortable things is silence when you are in the presence of someone that you are in disagreement with. You know..."the silent treatment?" I think nothing fustrates me more than the silent treatment. Whenever I have been in an argument with someone (especially when it was my fault), I wanted the other person to fight back. Argue with me! Say something!!! I'm talking about insults being hurled through the air like frisbees in the park on a Saturday afternoon! Ah, but when I am seated in the righteous corner, silence is golden! If I am the one withholding comments (out of spite, of course), it is just as satisfying as a good ol' fashioned hissy fit! This is a subject that I have been, unfortunately, highly skilled in. However, praise be to the Lord Jesus, I have learned self-control, for the most part, and I can keep silent when it is appropriate and speak only when there is a need.

After the book of Malachi, we need to be aware that God was silent for some 400 years after he used Malachi to speak to His children, Israel. Their hearts were cold toward God and His love for them. The Intertestamental Period had no prophets or inspired writers. God was silent. God was not absent. He was silent. God was keenly aware of all the goings on during this time. He was silent. There are six eras during this time: The Persian Era (397-336 B.C. which overlaps with Malachi); The The Greek Era (336-323 B.C.); The Egyptian Era (323-198 B.C.); The Syrian Era (198-165 B.C.); The Maccabean Era (165-63 B.C.); and The Roman Era (63-4 B.C.). God broke His silence with the announcement of the birth of John the Baptist as prophesied by Isaiah!

Have you ever considered what is significant about the 400 years of silence?

Have you ever experienced divine silence? *

If we continue in sin after we have been convicted by the Holy Spirit and refuse to get in line with His Word, well, His "voice" calling out to your conscience will get quieter and quieter. His silence is not ALWAYS a result of sin, but if you know that sin is the reason for His silence, why would you not ask Him to remove it. Being in a right relationship with God versus the lure of sin and it's empty promise to be fulfilling is the age old battle. The spirit versus the flesh, to state it more simply. Being single, silence can become deafening, especially if we live alone. At times, God is the only voice we have in our solitude. So, silence from sin is not golden! Keeping ourselves in a right relationship with God will keep a line of communication with Him open. I do not like the silent treatment and neither does He!

Hayes, Jason. (2009). Blemished: how the study of Malachi confronts empty religion. Lifeway Publishing: Nashville, TN.

Lost in Christ:

Proverbs 18:10 The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her." Maya Angelou

For the last few years, I have tried to state how I felt about possibly remarrying someday. Being single has been very rewarding for me because I am learning about myself; not only who I am, but Whose I am. Maya Angelou has nailed it! My heart is precious to God. He wants the very best for me. And, He wants the very best for all of us.

It is a woman's desire to feel protected and safe. If our hearts are hidden in Christ then that is the safest place to be. He is: my strong tower (Psalm 61:3, Proverbs 18:10,), a strong arm (Song of Solomon 8:6), and a strong fortress (Psalm 18:2, 31:2, 144:2). It will take a man strong in his faith to seek for a woman strong in the Lord. God's desire is for us to have the longings of our heart, and if our desires are rooted and grounded in God, then get ready, He will meet those desires according to His divine plan for your life.

It is in our impatience that we began to settle for less than His best for us. Whatever your station in life...single or single-again...if you will live Isaiah 40:31 and wait, just wait, He will give you gold instead of bronze, diamonds instead of crystal, and the best instead of good.

*Edited and transferred

Single Life and Family

Recently, I have had the joy of getting closer to one of my dad's brothers. He stops by fairly often and I always enjoy the visit, how ever brief it might be. This has me reflecting on my family. I have been blessed with two families that are close. As I think back on my childhood, I have very fond memories of my cousins, aunts, and uncles! Now that I'm older and all of my cousins have families of their own now, it is much more difficult for us to visit regularly. In fact, if we see each other one time a year, we are fortunate.

Being single with an empty nest is very lonely at times. The prospect of remaining single for some is not even an option and for others, it may be the only option. But, my advice to all the single folks out there is to "Carpe Diem!" Live life wide open! Reconnect with family! There will never be a better time than right now to rebuild those close ties to the ones who love you and know you.

Time investment in family will one day be the most important thing you have ever done. From an eternal point of view, your investment may be the difference between heaven and hell for someone. So live your life worthy of the calling of Christ and in the process show others what it really means to "Carpe Diem!"

To Be Alone or Not To Be...Is that the Question?

In reading the creation account from Genesis, I noticed two things. One, that God created Eve because He said that it was not good that man should be alone (Genesis 2:18). This got me thinking about Paul. Paul stated in the New Testament that if you can remain single then that is best. He even refers to it as a gift (1 Cor 7:7). If this is so, why would God say that it was not good that man should be alone? Isn't God the same yesterday, today, and forever? Yes, He is. And God knew that it would take ALL kinds to make the world go around. He created male and female, not just for companionship, but for procreation. He told them to go forth and multiply! As a side note, He did not tell two women, or two men to go forth and multiply! When Noah was commanded to take the animals onto the ark, He said to take a pair--male and female-- to keep them alive during the flood. Obviously, God is clear on the whole issue of homosexuality. However, companionship can come to same sex relationships. Paul was a classic example of that with Barnabas and Timothy. He traveled in his ministry with other men, and so, I see that this is a healthy same sex relationship.

The other thing I noticed was that God told Eve that child birth would be hard as a result of eating from the tree of knowledge, but He also said that she would want to control her husband and so, she would be ruled by her husband (Genesis 3:16). From personal experience, I can say that this attribute manifested itself in me. I've always said it would take a strong willed man to "rule" over me. In my married life, I was the picture of an obstinate Eve. I have no problem honoring the male leadership in my church, but when it got personal, not so much. So from this, I have deduced that remaining single is a good thing for me. Not that I do not feel the need to be submissive to a man, but because I need to learn how to live single and be submissive to God Himself!

So the question we ultimately should ask ourselves, both male and female, is not whether we are to be alone in this world, but are we submissive? Man should be submissive to God, and his wife submissive to him. My experience has been that the men I married were not submissive to God and I was leary of being submissive to a man that wouldn't trust God. If fault needs to lie somewhere, it ultimately falls to me. First, I should have been aware of the submission princple prior to marriage. I did not choose a mate according to his relationship with God (mistake number one). Second, I should have been obedient to the Word of God and been under my husband, as I am the weaker vessel, regardless; and possibly my husband would have felt the respect he needed and got in line with God.

It all comes down to choices. Single/married or obedient/obstinate. Ultimately, it's all about submission. Whether you are married or single, are you submissive to the Lordship of Jesus Christ? That is the question.

Show and Tell

I wrote this a few months back, but figured someone could identify...


We all have one. We ultimately want to show it or tell it. The problem is what we show and what we tell may not match up with the truth.

We want to appear "all together." I'm here to tell you that I DO NOT have it all together. In fact, I'm a bloody mess on the inside, a ball of pent up emotion and pain. Can you feel me?

I have recently been trying to finish school by writing my infernal thesis, but I want to write "other stuff," and so I write nothing. About two weeks ago I was mowing on my Grasshopper and praying about writing and I had a sense of "just write!" Much easier said than done, but much of life's instructions are.

So, here I am writing in a "Blog." Really? A blog? But, it's a start I suppose! So, here goes...

Enjoy the Journey*
My favorite Christian artist wrote this song about ten years ago for someone else, but she is sure it was for herself now. Well, I can tell you, I haven't been enjoying my journey lately. Between school, health, family, and relationships, I feel empty. I mean, don't get me wrong...I have made some great friends over the past couple of years, I love my family, school has been rewarding and my health is on the mend, but something is missing. I am truly thankful for my relationship with Christ and it is when my attention is pulled away, even for a moment, that I start seeing the gaps in my life.

Gaps
Wow, what a neat word; gap. The missing part of a bridge is a gap. There are "cattle gaps" which are missing parts of the road with bars over them so cows can't escape a pasture. Gaps are all around me, but when I sense that there is a gap in my heart, I have to question what my focus is on...the "gap" or the parts on either side? If I look at the gap too long then the chasm gets bigger and bigger! The thing I must remind myself, is that God bridged the gap through Christ and focus on Him. He will become the bridge and the absence I feel, He will fill. God is faithful even when I'm not, because I am His child!

Enjoy the Journey...
Well, to say the least, I haven't been enjoying my journey. I'm on one, we're all on one. I haven't been enjoying the journey, because I'm focusing on who is or is not on the road with me. Some roads we just have to walk "seemingly" alone. I know I'm not alone, but the distance between my heart and head may as well be 10,000 miles. I see the road ahead, somewhat, and it looks rather lonely because of my focus and so...

The Gap...
I'll let the Lord be my bridge and He will fill it how He deems best. I must remain with my hand out stetched to His.

*Enjoy the Journey by Naomi Carroll ( www.naomicarroll.com )

The Single Life Struggles

There comes a time in life when you realize (when the dust settles) that this "picture" doesn't look like what you thought it would. The disillusionment of failed marriages, the struggles of single parenting, and, well, being alone, all take you places you never thought you would go. The seedy night clubs or anonymous chat rooms are traps for the lonely and broken-hearted. That does not mean that all the places you find yourself in are bad, just not where you thought you might end up; like the mission fields of the Serengeti or Siberia. Surely the loneliness of being a single-again person can't be so bad as all that. Right? Wrong!

Having LIVED (yes I survived) through three failed marriages, I come to realize that I'm either very bad at marriage or very good at divorce and those are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I actually had a relative say that my "picker" was broke...What exactly does that mean? Do I need to consult Heloise, eMatch-Me-Up, or Madame Love & Tarot Card Reading before I choose the next casualty of "I do"?

Hmmm, so yes, this got me thinking. My "picker" is broken. Looking back over my adult life, my "picker" never was "fixed". I was the one that chose my spouses. I didn't invite God into my "pickin'" process. Now, please don't mistake me when I say that just because God wasn't allowed to put the marriage together on the front end that He should be blamed for them falling apart on the hind end. That was our fault.

As may be obvious by now, I was the girl that either 1)always had a boyfriend, 2)always sized up the next guy to see if he would be my next boyfriend, or 3) was married (to one of the above). It is true that hindsight is 20/20 and as I survey the landscape of the last 23 years of marriage (that's a combined figure), there isn't much joy that I recall from my relationships. Oh yes, we had happy times and my children, well, they ARE the joy that I see as I look back, but my marriages, not so much.

Now that we've established that all of us have broken "pickers", I invite you to join me along my journey of Singleness and what it has taken to get to the place I'm at now.