In All Fairness

Remember when you were married and you had all those sweet pet names for your spouses and how some of them held a more personal meaning than others? Remember how some of those pet names were so personal that you would even accompany the name with a sideways wink? Yea, well, so much for that, right, because when then the divorce is over those pet names get replaced by insulting remarks that you still accompany with a sideways wink! Oh yeah! I've been there and done that, too. I not only got the t-shirt, I went back for the cap, AND fanny-pack!

Yes, I've been married three times and I'd like to say something about my ex's. Brace yourselves. There will be some language used that you may not be prepared for so this is my disclaimer!

My first husband was a child, but so was I. We married so young that the cards were already stacked against us. He has turned into a wonderful man (and still a self-proclaimed child). We are very good friends now and in hind-sight, 20/20 ocular perfection, should never have divorced, but we did and I take full credit for that failure.

My second husband, I struggle with, as far as forgiveness, the most. When we first married we were not growing in our relationship with the Lord, far from it, in fact. But, as time went on, life threw us a curve ball. We were in a car wreck that broke his and my daughter's body up, psychologically broke my son up, and left me paralyzed from my chest down. We went through so many things together that I thought made us stronger, but in the end was our destruction. He left me for someone who portrayed herself as being my friend. Our marriage was very much in trouble even though we were involved in youth ministry and in church every time the doors opened. Let that be a word of warning to anyone that is married and actively in church; you are not immune. More on this subject at a later time.

My third husband, well, I really don't know how to approach this relationship. I thought he was God's gift to me for having had such a bad marriage with my second husband, because he and I just "clicked". We had so much in common and I thoroughly enjoyed his company...until. Let me just suffice to say for now, that had I been patient and obedient to the Lord before getting married, I may never would have had a third marriage or divorce. As bad as I hate to admit that, because I love him (and still do); it is the truth.

After three divorces, I finally went to get some help with processing the pain incurred by the divorces. The biggest mistake that I made (besides the BIGGEST of not having "Creator assisted"* mate pickin') was not allowing myself to heal from the pain of divorce. Divorce Care# has been one of the most effective tools to healing from the divorces. I wish pre-marital counseling included portions of the Divorce Care# curriculum. Yea...it's that good, in fact, I went through it twice!

I just wanted to take the opportunity to introduce a snippet of my marriages. A total of 23 years of marriage means I was with another person for 23 years and now I'm learning how to be a soloist. Oh that I had learned that capability many, many years ago. The saying, "I'm learning how to be comfortable in my own skin," is becoming very real to me. And surprisingly enough...it's not so bad! So my word of encouragement for the reader today is to take time to find out who (or better yet Whose) you are so that you can recognize your other-half when God sends them!

*(Thanks Todd Turner for the "Toddism")
#Divorce Care (www.divorcecare.com/)